There have been many things in my life I have done that I regret. Many of which, I have had to ask for forgiveness. You must remember that if you are human you will make mistakes that will require someone to forgive you, but if you cannot forgive someone else for their mistakes you cannot ask for forgiveness from others.
If everyone who loved me knew my past I am not sure they still would…
It’s that time of the week again everybody! I am posting this new photo/inspirational quote for the week. Your job is to pass it around, spread the message, and to come here and comment on it.
My feelings when I hear this quote from Nelson Mandela is that though Austin may not realize it right now, prison is but a moment in his life to rest and steal the glorious view from behind him. He must remember to not stop for long for his walk has yet not ended…
March 7, 2013
Dear Uncle Austin,
I have no strength to write, so I haven’t, which is no excuse. I am tired beyond words. I am fighting against a wall to move forward and being pushed backward. I miss you and I wish more than anything I could feel your hug. I feel like you would know what to say. I have tried to think of someone else who I feel could give me the comfort I need right now, and you are the only one I want.
Life has been hard lately. I am constantly struggling to survive, not just financially, but mentally. I feel like nothing will ever change. I am stuck on this cycle of pain and hurt. I feel selfish for feeling the way I do knowing that you have it so much harder. Tell me everything will be ok one day. Tell me I have the strength to make it through. Right now more than ever I need your words of wisdom!
OMG Angela just told me Uncle Bruce could not visit because you are in solitary! Tell me everything! WHY? I am beyond upset right now! I know you moved to this prison to be closer to Uncle Bruce because he visits so often, but I think you need to consider transferring again! Whoever this guy is who keeps telling lies about you, and whoever these horrible guards are that keep believing them are not worth this. Please for Megan, and us consider looking into another transfer? Is there anything we can do as your family to facilitate another move?
I feel so silly for even discussing my problems! I will tell you more about everything in my next letter when I hear from you and hear you are fine. Nothing else matters to me unless you are ok! Please tell me you will consider requesting a transfer. I won’t feel safe until you are! Write to me asap! I want to hear from you.
Love Always,
Katie
PS I applied for a job here in CO with the department of corrections, and have made it through the first 2 steps. I am crossing my fingers I get it. I feel this may be my chance! My foot in the door. Perhaps the chance to make a difference in this world. Who knows! WRITE TO ME!
I know that though I wish Austin had never made the mistakes he did, he would not be who he is today had he not. My Mother always says that what happened with Austin saved him. She feels that in many ways it is a blessing because we never have to wonder where he is, worry if he’s hungry, and ultimately though prison is dangerous he is safer there than on the streets. I wish Austin knew all the good that came from all this bad. Perhaps, we as his family and friends can convince him?
I love my Uncle more than anything. Probably not a moment goes by in one day where my thoughts do not wander to what he is doing at that moment. I sometimes wake up in cold sweats from nightmares I have where prison kills him. I am not ashamed of whom he is, what he did, or that I love him. I am not ashamed to say out loud what my Uncle did, yet I feel on a daily basis I am advised to hide him. I am starting to understand more and more how my Uncle feels behind bars. Though I am not in prison as he is, I feel behind bars everyday. I am locked behind the social morals of society, and all I want to do is break free!
People say things like don’t tell that person about him because they won’t give you a shot. I apply for jobs that require me to divulge his existence, and yet I know there is a huge possibility they won’t call me for that very fact. Sometimes I feel like no one will ever give me a chance. I feel like as long as I am not willing to let go of him I can’t move forward. So why don’t I just pretend for a moment he isn’t there, so I can maybe get somewhere? All I can think when I attempt to do this is, how do you suddenly pretend that the person you love the most doesn’t exist? I can’t. I feel like though he hasn’t been there physically for me, this last year has been one of the toughest of my life, and my Uncle has not given up on me.
He is the one who reminds me of who I am. He is the one who tells me the power I have to change this world. He is the one who will never judge me, and he is the one who loves me no matter what. He knows all of my secrets. He is always proud of me, and more importantly he has always believed in me. People like him are a dime a dozen. For this reason, I will never give up on him. I will never let anyone tell me to hide his existence. I will never be ashamed of him. I will never take a position in this world where they ask me to believe he is any less of the person I know him to be.
Most importantly because of who my Uncle is, I know who I am. I will never stop fighting for him. I will never stop fighting the Fight to Forgive.
Fight 2 Forgive 